marriage
by American Life League

Is Your Partner Worth Saving A Marriage?

Anyone that has said marriage was easy had to be single! There is nothing easy about merging your life with another person. Several decades ago, people did not divorce because they were in circumstances in which it was simply not an option – women could not support themselves and society did not accept it, among many others. Now, however, marriages are ending left and right. If you are in a marriage that is on the rocks, it may be a good time to consider whether your partner and the life you have is worth saving a marriage. As difficult as it is to make a marriage work, it is even harder to save one that is already damaged.

In looking at saving a marriage, you should not only look at current circumstances, but also the history the two of you share together. How did you meet? What was it that made you fall in love? Were you ever really in love? At some point, you should consider the good times instead of only dwelling on the bad. If you and your spouse are experiencing a bad time, it is easy to block out that good times ever existed. However, you should be fair to yourself and your partner.

Then, it is time to look at the bad times. Did either of you cheat? Are there other major issues that have occurred between you that one of you has a hard time dealing with? Sometimes these major issues get buried over time, but the resentment remains and it eats away at the relationship. Do you find yourself being mad at your spouse over little things or for no reason at all? If this is the case, you should really look at the underlying issues you have.

At some point, you should close your eyes and picture what the perfect spouse would be. Not Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie, but the real characteristics you would like to have in your spouse. Then you should step back and see how your spouse measures up. You should be very careful to be realistic in this exercise. If you have unrealistic expectations, you will never be happy with anyone. However, if the essential core of your spouse is deficient, you may be selling yourself short by staying.

Although saving a marriage is difficult, you should not rush off and get a divorce. You should, however, try to be fair to you and your spouse and choose to both try wholeheartedly or to let go completely.


Comments

  1. josh12rox -

    Is saving yourself for (who might be) the one really worth it?

    I didn’t take that path so it actually seems a bit absurd. I’m curious about what the other side of the coin thinks.

    Question was asked outta respect so show some.

  2. Chris R -

    I just wanna see your opinions on this.
    Is it worth it to go through the all the trouble on keeping yourself pure for your future wife or husband?

  3. Only Business -

    … drug abuse? can the doubt or mistrust ever leave? please serious answers only.. thanks.

  4. Stevalicious -

    I am concerned about STDs since condom failure is a very real thing with horrifying consequences. As a result, I think it’s a good idea to save sex for marriage. However, being in college, it seems that 99.9 percent of everyone has sex by the second or third date. I’m afraid that no girl will want to be with me me since I don’t want to have a sexual relationship. What should I do? Should I stick to my plan or should I risk condom failure and become sexually active?

  5. Keegan -

    I dont know what to do. should i leave or just put up.theres never any affection in this relationship. there is a nine year age difference maybe thats the reason for him being unaffectionate.? we are not talking this past 2 to 3 weeks its just not fair on my kids. i came from a family where my parent s seperated so im wondering is it me who is wrong, i also put on weight maybe he is not attracted to me anymore.?

  6. Rishi -

    Okay I’m about to be 25 years old and I have not done it, not even oral. My relationships always last about 3 months tops(If I’m lucky). I’m not religious, but have wanted to save it for marriage just because it would make it more special. However, these urges to do it keep getting stronger and not just that, but I don’t think I will ever get married. I am so tempted to do it with the next Mr. right now that walks into my life, but it scares me because I don’t want to go through the pain(the older I get the more scared I get of man’s junk! in my place)…..What should I do? And to clarify this is not just about getting over it, but also because I want to know what sex feels like. I’m getting older and let’s face it the older I get the less I’m going to attract guys. But the thought of being 50 and still a virgin? ridiculous and no just because I have waited this long does not mean I should keep waiting. I have been ready to have sex for years now, but sadly I am picky when it comes to emotional attachment with a guy. They bore me after a while so it’s not like I will get my heart broken if I just do it after a few weeks into the dating with Mr. right now……Give me details and you experiences! Please.

  7. Patrick -

    Wow, where do I start? I feel i fell into my relationship a bit too fast and a bit too young. I have now been with my partner for 11 years and married for almost 8. We have two wonderful children age 6 and 8, but recently have been arguing almost constantly (although trying to keep this to when the children are not around) mostly over where to live, which is a pretty big issue. I feel that we rushed into the relationship before either of us really knew what we wanted in life and now we are older are finding that we want to take two completely different paths. neither of us has any experience of divorce, so I have no idea how this will affect our kids, but from what I read it’s not going to be good. I so don’t want to hurt them but is there any point in continuing when ultimately we want such different things?

  8. Matthew S -

    my husband is white i am black, i am his first black woman, and he just doesn’t get that i am a bit different from his usual women. he doesn’t other intimate things with me, but i do him.our initmate life is he cums and that’s it, nothing for me. i once felt a strong connection, but i do not anymore.he just bangs and that’s it. i feel like he is just sees me as a vessel and that’s it because i am not what he really wants. he is bored of me.maybe we should end it?he loves me but he is no longer in love with me, and he longs for someone else, it feels that way, when he does me on occasion, he just zones out, and is thinking of another

  9. Michael -

    I have been married to my husband for almost 4 years now. In this the time frame since I have known him, we had two children and I have one older child from a previous relationship. We fought a lot in the beginning and eventually got much better and barely fought at all (after much marital counseling).
    One of my problems are that he treats our children (my oldest son knows him as daddy because my previous partner (sperm donor) has absolutely nothing to do with my son and my son was young when my husband and I got together) with very little respect. He says mean things to them and unfortunately I catch myself being like that sometimes too. I love all my children so much and I hate the idea that I might hurt their feelings sometimes. I always apologize and try my best to work out the problem with them.
    Another one of my problems are that I have suffered depression and physical abuse much of my life when I was younger and my doctors are having difficulty finding the correct medicine to help me out. I often have anxiety attacks and suffer insomnia. I have not been working since my husband and I found out about my pregnancy with my second child. Because I have not been working, I needed something to keep me busy and went back to school to hopefully be able to obtain a better job when we are ready for me to go back to work. (we planned right away that I would be home with the kids until they start school so we would not have to put them through daycare) Now I am working on the second half of my degree and will finish with an associates degree and three certificates by the end of this school year.
    My husband finds ways to make me feel like I am pretty much worthless when I need to study for tests or do homework because that does not bring money into the house. He is the one who actually suggested that I go back to school because he knew that what I went to school for before I met him did not work out. ( I was working at a hospital and could not stand dealing with death at all)
    Now we are fighting more often and most of the times, I am not sure what it is about. He works the weekend shift and I bring him his lunch everyday with the kids so he can see them and so he can have a hot meal everyday that he works. I am trying my best to juggle everything on my plate. I even had the kids respecting the 1-2-3 magic program over summer, but he did not follow up with it so now when I have the kids alone on the weekends, they have absolutely no respect for anything that I say so I am working with them on that again too.
    I just do not know if this marriage is even worth the fight anymore. I love him very much and would never want my children to have to live with a broken family but sometimes it seems like it might be better than what they do deal with. I was hoping to at least be able to find a medication that will help me with my depression and anxiety and maybe that would amke things better but I cant help but to feel that the problem is not just me. I need any help or input I can get. I am desperate and really do not want a divorce but I also know that we can not afford anymore counseling again like we probably should have. Please help!
    JoJo, I know how divorce works. I have never personally been through one, but I know of enough people who have gone through it. My point of this question was basically what can I do to avoid a divorce, not should I get one. I have a bachelors degree already and enough education to easily get a job… if I drop out of the new field I am trying to enter through education, I can not do both based on my schedules.(Besides taking care of people day in and day out and watching them die was not something that I could emotionally handle and that is why I went back to school) Before I met my husband, I was only 20 when I had my first child, and still finished school, and was able to buy a house (the one we are all currently living in) off of just my income while paying for daycare. I know that when I go back to work, money will not be an issue. The only reason it is now is because of the additional costs of schooling, the cost of three children, and every other necessity. I did have enough mon

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